one

Well I feel like nothing. I can’t do anything. I simply can’t even function. I only wish I could be who I was before. Now I just don’t care anymore. I’m way beyond the point of sadness. I feel as if im on death row. Nobody can save me either. I’m just gonna be this random mess up. I don’t know what God was thinking when he put me down here. I sometimes wish I would be stayed home that day just so I could burn to death. A while ago I ran a really hot bath all I had to do was add cool water but instead I got in. I was scalded. The only thing that surrounded me was a thick atmosphere of pure silence. It’s bad when your music doesn’t help anymore. I just want to get away!

I need You. Right now

Why do you have to leave? I miss you. You make everything okay. I just wanna be around you all the time. Now. I dont know what to do when you’re gone. When your gone. I count the steps you take. I miss you. I get into a huge depression when you’re gone. I need help. And I cant get through this alone. Help me. I miss you.

Im Sorry

I’m sorry I’m stupid. I’m sorry I’m hideous. I’m sorry that I cant do what you want me to. I’m an idiot i know I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I dont deserve to be around normal people simply because I’m not good enough. I’m sorry that I’m not good enough. I’m sorry….I’m sorry…. I’m sorry that your life is miserable. I’m sorry I’m messed up. I’m sorry I’m sick. I’m sorry I’m such a whore or bitch or anything like that. You cant even hear me. I’m screaming for help and you dont even know it. In dying inside and you cant even tell. All it is is just a lil depression? Are you sure about that? I dont think so but that’s just me. IM SORRY! I’m. Sorry. Im. Sorry.

I can’t even have a title anymore. I’m in so much pain right now i feel like I can’t do anything anymore. I constantly get griped at for a million reasons and I think I’m gonna stop eating. I’m done with my friends. Now I’m finding them annoying and I’m the way. I haven’t blogged so much cuz I was getting chewed out for stupid stuff. Its not my fault the games aren’t interesting. It’s not my fault that i dont care. I feel like I’m screaming my lungs out and nobody is listening to me. I have to go.

Music

I wanna break free. I can fake a smile and force a laugh but the truth is without my one im in hell… Nobody helps. I may go to church again to see if they give me hope. I have none left. I’m staying home today. Normally I go see my one but not now. He wouldn’t want to see me like this. Emotional and hurting, he would think he has done something wrong. I bleed when I fall down and ive fallen a lot lately. .I wanna sing like real singing.

School

You dont know. High school for a teenager Can be painful and very judgemental. Why can’t everyone just get along. Why do I have to feel as though I don’t belong. Tell me. If you know so much so well then tell me why. You can’t. You can’t tell me. You can’t tell me why they pound my ego in the dirt and shatter my heart simply because I was right when I said you dont know. You dont have a clue. It’s so insane for parents to believe that everything is okay when all they see is the outside It’s so stupid for them to play out like it’s nothing and to say You find that in all schools because it’s not true. There are happier places than here. If youre happy here that’s because you have a clic you can talk to and have fun with or have a bunch of popular friends. I only have one. He’s my love and my one and only. Literally. So dont you dare say I should be happy that I-I shouldnt have to worry about anything cuz of you were thinking about what I am then you wouldn’t want that reply either. Don’t make me ask for help if youre not gonna help me dont make me ask for help if all youre gonna do is sit and tell me it’s okay because it’s not. Its not. Why would you lie to me? Why are you trying to make me lie to myself? That makes it worse.

Gone

You dont know.

You think you do, but you dont.

You have no idea what it feels like

To almost go

I lost everything you dont understand

You will never know what I feel like.

2012 long time ago

But I still remember though

The thoughts the years

How did i make it.

I have nothing I am nothing I fear nothing but words.

I can’t believe what I heard

What I’ve been told

I feel like my soul has been sold

I’m gone emotionally dead

There’s little hope the only thing that’s keeping me is

That cap and gown. That aisle to walk down.

But can I make it..

Or am I too far gone

Continue reading “Gone” →

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